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Levitating Rock Discovered on Small Yak Farm in Quafflip Province

Levitating rockIn what is believed to be the first case of its kind, a large rock has begun levitating on a small yak farm in the province of Quafflip. It was discovered on Friday afternoon by farmer Macario Falossa: “The wind has been terribly brisk of late, so I was out in the paddock giving the yaks a cup of cocoa and adjusting their shawls when we heard a disturbance amongst the rocks. At first I thought the wind might have blown over one of the yak’s paddling pools, but when I rushed over I saw a large rock, the size of 1.5 yaks, lifting slowly but surely off the ground. When it was about 3 yak hooves off the ground it stopped rising and began to hover, where it remains. I am shocked that something so miraculous (aside from my magnificent yaks) has happened on my small, modest farm.”

Previously discovered mysteriously levitating objects in Klah include: 3 x garden rakes, a box of cornflakes, 2 berets (one black, one red) and a family of sparrows. This is the first known rock. Farmer Falossa plans to run guided tours on his property to see the spectacular marvel. Visitors will be able to have their photo taken with the both the rock and the yaks, experience levitation themselves with the help of a wacky mirror maze, and purchase hats shaped like rocks.

*The Klah Gazette has two free passes to the Falossa Farm to give away – simply send in a detailed description (600 words) of your favourite rock to go into the draw. Winners will be drawn June 29.

Gideon Gorgonzolla Builds Invisible Mansion

Invisible-PalaceGideon Gorgonzolla, the famous detective who solved such perplexing cases as “The Mystery of Dame Zelda’s Misplaced Toenail”, and “The Spate of The Forged Greeting Cards”, which plagued the nation in the ’70s, has begun work (or possibly finished? We can’t be sure…) on his new home in Akawir, Central Klah – a somewhat ambitious project as the house is to be completely invisible. Sources close to Gideon and his wife Mabel say the detective has become increasingly security conscious and the pair are rarely seen without fake beards. Now it seems they will be rarely seen at all. Our sources tell us the new Gorgonzolla mansion is to be extremely grand, built of wood and nails and suchlike (though there is rumour that the outside is painted in extremely lewd pictures of seals in goat costumes – naturally this scandalous report cannot be verified). The building is to be kept invisible with an annual coating of invisisilk, produced by thousands of invisisilkworms who will be kept on the property. Special trainers will feed and exercise the worms daily to ensure the silk is of the highest quality. Since its discovery in the 19th century, invisisilk has been used over the years for many things, but this project is believed to be the largest and most invisible to date.

Boklidok Awareness Week

Boklidok

Sleeping Boklidok, Southeast Klah

This week is Boklidok Awareness Week, and follows two more disappearances on the coast of Yippertin, Southeast Klah. Do you know the warning signs of a Boklidok? Citizens, now is the time to get educated Рit could save your life.

Boklidoks are found in tidal areas where the river meets the sea, as although their skin is great for camouflage, it is also very sensitive and requires 6 hourly treatment with saltwater, interspersed with fresh. Boklidoks are very dangerous creatures and should be avoided at all costs, as just one touch of their skin causes incurable pebbleitis, where the victim shrinks to a small pebble and usually becomes lost amongst the riverbed. Avoidance is the best protection, as they will generally ignore you if you don’t disturb them – most attacks occur when walkers fail to read the warning signs and accidentally stumble into them. Boklidoks can be recognized by the distinctive tufts on the head and lower back, and the bluish colour of their flesh. They also emit a low grumbling sound when sleeping and / or lurking, however this is often inaudible over the sound of the surrounding water. The Society of Safety, Teaching & Awareness of Boklidok Stealth (STABS) highly recommends all estuary ramblers carry ear trumpets, and this week they will be available to purchase from volunteers out in the streets. All proceeds will go towards helping victims’ families build memorial rock gardens.

Stay safe, citizens.