The Klah Gazette visits ZAZZY SELRAHC Cult Members

zazzy-cult-4Members of the ZAZZY SELRAHC Cult, Snacklehoc Lagoon

In Snacklehoc Lagoon (East Klah) there lies an island inhabited by the child cult  ZAZZY SELRAHC, who worship the famous mailman teleporter Mystic Charles (read more on Mystic Charles here). Klah Historians believe the ZAZZY SELRAHC were once a group of runaways looking for a circus to take them in when Mystic Charles accidentally teleported onto the island, appearing before them like a vision (his story is he was merely trying to deliver a phone bill to a Madame Clacklesok and was rather surprised to find himself surrounded by children, as Madame Clacklesok was notoriously allergic to youth). He spoke only three words before giving a small tap dance and vanishing again:

 

HI!

WHOOPSY!

TA RAA!

These historical words have become the motto of ZAZZY SELRAHC and are chanted during all ceremonies, declarations of war and difficult to prepare meals. The members of ZAZZY SELRAHC roam the island clad in oversized t-shirts bearing Charles’ likeness, their arms and legs bare even in the colder months, which they do not seem to feel. Each child carries with them a unique staff which is fashioned themselves as part of their initiation (inspired by Charles himself). The staffs are also used as spears for catching prey, in particular lagooncats and emerald-crabs, as well as for displays of warfare towards interfering adults who try to approach the island (TIP: perform the dance back to them to gain acceptance, or at least the chance to explain your purpose. This was how our Royal Master Artist was able to obtain this photograph). See diagram below for required movements.

zazzy-cult-warfare

Another fact of note is that the island the children have commandeered has a particular abundance of the native plant Cuppulus butternippus, noted for its large, cup shaped leaves that emit a scent very attractive to butterflies, and hence the creatures flock from all over East Klah for a whiff. The butterflies land on the plant and sigh with pleasure, which causes the vibrations of their nostrils to shake the black and white powder off their wings. This is quietly collected by the cupped leaves and in turn collected by the ZAZZY SELRAHC and used as facepaint. Two of the children (pictured) explained that the facepaint is useful for many things: tribal recognition, games of night-tag, and a welcome reminder that washing your face is discouraged amongst the ZAZZY SELRAHC – two thirds of the children we spoke to declared face washing was the reason they became runaways in the first place.

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