Image

Captain Lilith Receives Queens Award for Piratical Services to the Kingdom

Captain Lilith Receives Recognition for Services to Klah

Captain Lilith, the well known seafaring celebrity + pirate heroine was recently awarded the prestigious Queens Award for Piratical Services to the Kingdom, in recognition of her brave and fearless capture of 72 Magnet-Fingered, Saw-Toothed Pirate Squid. The crew of mischievous squid have been terrorising the seas of Klah for many years by slithering under ships and using their magnet fingers to draw out metal chests of treasure, expensive iron frying pans, electric guitars, several thousand sets of tweezers and passengers with too many fillings. All this bounty is drawn out through holes they have nibbled in the hull of the boat using their saw teeth, and thus the boat normally sinks without so much as a good deck brawl.

“Terrible pirating practice” says Captain Lilith. “It’s cheating, and not in an acceptable piratical fashion either. The scallywags were difficult to catch – every time I got near, my cutlass was whipped out of my hands and my canons malfunctioned. In the end I used a pandemonium of parrots, assisted by monkeys riding on their backs to drop a metallic net on the scoundrels. That snaffled them jolly good.”

Captain Lilith travelled to Vamoose Province to receive the award, which is represented by the famous Fork Medallion & Crown (pictured). The fork – which is believed to be the first major invention in Klah, and has been useful for a number of things over the years, from letter-opening to back-scratching and even spaghetti-guzzling – is used here to symbolise the usefulness of the Captain’s immense contribution to the Kingdom of Klah.

Above: Captain Lilith poses in her prestigious jewels after the awards ceremony (Photo: Nina van der Voorn)

Below: Captain Lilith snapped unusually far from the sea en route to the ceremony, arriving via a teleportal in the Abscondis Forest, Vamoose Province (Photo: The Klahparazzi)

Captain Lilith Arrives Via Teleportal

New Season Expedition Survives Perilous Voyage, Cargo Jubilant

Kingdom_of_Klah_Lake_PomberoLake Pombero, Kingdom of Klah

Today Klah awoke to some magnificent news, that the expedition of new season stock has survived the perilous voyage from Klah to the Kingdom’s Beloved Stockists. Cleverly disguised as a shipment of asparagus-shaped telephones (to avoid detection and being mobbed by excited fans) the expedition travelled through treacherous seas in golden ships, dangerous meadows prone to prickles and underneath terrifyingly unpruned trees. They also crossed not only the tricky Rivers of Deceit, but Lake Pombero (above), famed and feared for its strange purple waters that have been known to seize unsuspecting travellers and turn them into blueberries. Fortunately our crew were very suspecting (see Fig.1 below), there were no blueberry casualties and the cargo has now arrived safely at the Beloved Stockists, and subsequently Online. The Klah Gazette spoke to the Captain of the expedition, who reported no ration shortages or homesick night-snivellers, and indeed a general feeling of excitement amongst the cargo as they speculated on their new homes and owners. Who will they be? Will they be Wine-Drinkers, Cat-Ladies, Hobgoblins or Politicians? Will they like dancing & merriment or cold moonlit nights? Will they live in nests or castles, and do they keep their clothes in elegant wardrobes with gold trimmings, or on the floor where they can roam freely after dark while their owners are sleeping?

One conclusion was drawn: They will all have spectacular taste.

suspecting-hat2